The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
