i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
