There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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