I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
