how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
