im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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