My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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