You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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