How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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