Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
