Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize