Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
