I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
