he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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