I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
