I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize