Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
