i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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