i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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