Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize