why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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