it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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