so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
