Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
