I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
