When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
