Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
