Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
