Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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