So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
