I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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