Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We are all done wearing pants today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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