we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
