This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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