Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
