Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
