I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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