Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
