she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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