Jerry, you need to find god
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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