Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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