Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
