and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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