I just cut my nipple shaving
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
