I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
