You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
