i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
