I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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