1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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