If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
