seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
