No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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