He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
