If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize