I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
