So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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