he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
