im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
