You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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