Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
