If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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