About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
