I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
