Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i think my cat just said my name.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
