Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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