That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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