Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
