If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
