Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
